Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
