If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize