I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
