u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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