everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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