I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
