God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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