just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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