he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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