How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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