you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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