Apparently you make a good broom.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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