a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship