you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years