Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.