Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed