Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever