i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.