apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
