At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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