I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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