I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm bleeding and have questions
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
