you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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