my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
