a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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