So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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