is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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