I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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