GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
