I wish I only lived at night.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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