I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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