what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
