I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
