You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
