I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
