she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
