He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
