Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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