Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
