I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
