You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
