I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you win again, gameday.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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