dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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