Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize