so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
