He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Someone shit on the floor
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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