I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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