Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize