she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
