i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize