after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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