what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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