i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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