i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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