I could make wine with my vomit
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
