I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
