fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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