Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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