i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
