I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
