I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize