I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize