so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
