When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
