I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
