...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
