So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hippo gnu deer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
