I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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