She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
