i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
