She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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