Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
