Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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